Bloody Air France. They should re-name themselves Air Merde. Not only did they lose my fucking bags in Paris (I’m now in Finland for the Euros, just in case you thought I had recieved a brain transplant and thought going to France was a good idea) but some piece of shit clipped off the padlock on my bougu bag and opened it up, and my shinai bag too. It’s not a fucking baguette, Francois, hands off!
Anyway, I’m here now, after a lovely (I lie, I LIE!) 22 hour door to door journey from beautiful Kawasaki to Freezing cold Finland. It was snowing for breakfast.
I woke up at 4am from the jet lag today, not too bad I guess. I’ve heard many times that an hour per difference is needed, but I’m going to cheat and take it from my 4am wake up, so I only really need another 2 or three days…..
Some quick points of note:
- I have already raped the toilet with my first morning shit of the trip. It was a fucking howler.
- The floor is solid PINE. I shit you not, pine floors!
- Finnish keyboards are bizarre. They have these: öäå, and the “at” mark appears inaccessible.
- I had bacon and eggs for breakfast for the first time in 8 MONTHS today. Pleased.
- The porn is not broken “on” this year. It was last year, and shitfaced and 3am during the sayonara party last year me and Will göt back tö the hötel rööm and turned the fucker on at full volume. It was hilariös, more so because we were battered! (I löve the “ö” key!)
- I could swear I heard “herdy flerd leupre kurtle Mr Martin at Walmart squirty” on some random Fin telly channel
Other than that little else to report at 9 in the morning on my first day here. The plan for the day today is simple: pay for the cinema channels on the telly, buy cheap food, rest. And maybe rub a quick one out for relaxation purposes. WHAT?! I’m at a loose end (pun most definately intended).
Fuck, I’m bored already. I’m also generally disappointed with the level of totty on my return back to civilisation. There are too many fat people here. I want thin and lithe again! Dam. At least all the writing is Roman again, if not legible.
Urgh. Jet lag.
Don’t expect this everyday either, by the way, at 5 fucking euros for 30 minutes, I’m not THAT bothered…..