Archive for November, 2008

How Bizzarre!

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

What a small world it really is. I don’t normally write about my job because I don’t want to say anything that could get me fired, but this deserves it.

As part of my job I meet and interview A LOT of people. One of those people, last week, had “Kendo” at the bottom of his resume. A simple question like “Do you do kendo?” turned in to a 15 minute conversation about the dude turning out to be my dai-sempai, having been on the British team in the 4th World Kendo Champs in Sapporo! Bloody hell! Not only that he was going to the same keiko kai (the Mumeshi 40 year anniversary) I was that same weekend!

Blimey!

Papa School

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

On Tuesday last week I went to the local ward office for a class on caring for new born babies. The wife (who is looking HUGE now) has been to 3 before this one, and she wanted me to at least get to this one as there was a specific Daddy section too, so off I went. We learned some useful stuff actually, like how to hold the little fella properly (apparently under the armpits at arm’s length is NOT correct! Fancy that!) and how to bathe them properly. But before that….

Surprise in store was that we were split up into seperate rooms, Papa in one and Mama in another. I was the only Jonny Round Eye in a room of 40 blokes. Nice.

So, split in to groups we had 5 points each to talk about for a minute or so.

1) Introduce yourself, when is the wee ‘un born, and where (in Japan you reserve your hospital room!)

This was easy enough. I know all that shit.

2) How have you supported your wife during pregnancy?

Well, here I was thinking that I was doing only an average job at this, maintaining 4 keiko a week and all. So I mention cooking dinner, a bit of cleaning, doing the washing, that sort of stuff, and 3 guys from the group (of 10 that we were in) actually made expressions of surprise, especially when I mentioned hoovering and washing machines (that is not using them both together in some Mr Bean-esque nightmare, fool).

3) What kind of father do you want to be?

I simply said I wanted to set a good example for my little boy and make sure he doesn’t pick up any silly or strange habits, that he develops into a normal little boy. Easy enough.

4) I’ve forgotten this question! But I remember I said that I was going to carry on supporting my wife the way I already was, so I guess it was something about how am I going to be a father, or something like that…

5) Any questions for the assembled fathers?

Well given that 3 guys in my office have had kids in the last 8 months, I’m good, cheers.

A choice pick of their answers:

2) Well, I don’t usually get home until 10pm, so I don’t help around the house. I listen to her though.

I’m normally late home, so on weekends I might cook. When we got shopping I make sure to walk at her pace and carry the heavy things. (This was my favourite! So, before she was pregnant you made her run with bags of veg and milk?!)

3) Some guys said very normal daddy things like I want to be able to play with my children and tuck them in at night at bed time. Others said….

I want to be like his sempai! (Fuuuuuuuucking hell……..)

I want him to know the same kind of fear and desperation I did when I was young (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

4) still forgotten!

5) I haven’t told my office my wife is pregnant, when is a good time? (Bare in mind we all had roughly similar due dates, the end of february)

This isn’t to say they were all a bit odd or just ignorant. There was one really cool guy who seemed to genuinely help as much as he could. He worked shifts and so was at home more than the rest of us, and so made sure that whenever he was around he did everything for his wife. Good fella!

But the other guys confirmed for me that even the little I thought I did is a touch better than the the rest of the working population manages. Scary stuff!

Bloody busy

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

Urgh. Normally I’m sure I would have written more of the past months tomfoolery up here, but work has been heel recently. 7.30am starts, 7.30pm appointments. I think I’m turning japanese……fuck.

Anyhow, this month has brought up to jolly good reasons to be cheerful.

1) I’m going to keiko once a week now at Tokyo Electricity (TouDen). These guys are one of the strongest jitsugyoudan (company) teams in the country, and I regularly get my arse handed to me my people younger faster and better than me. Keiko here is awesome. The downside is getting up at 6am to get my armour on the train before the rush. Fuck that I thought, so….

2) I am now awaiting delivery of my new armour! Weeeee! Set number 4! Now I can leave a set at TouDen and not have to lug stuff around at silly times. Plus, the extra hour+ sleep in the morning means more genki for the keiko.

Filled with Win!

Burn your bra!

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

Before the slog to work this morning, as I was drinking my banana milkshake (my wife has a new blender!) and eating my toast, I was watching the news as I always do.

There was a minor story about a Japanese woman who has been selected after a 9 year training programme as one of the next astronauts to go up to the international space station.

Unbelievably, at the press conference she was actually asked:

“So, who is going to do the housework while you are in Space?”

Dear god. Welcome to 21st century Japan: putting women and ironing boards in space.

The 56th All Japan Taikai

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

Last Monday was a public holiday in Japan, but a special one for the bamboo wielding, screaming-while-pounding public, because it was also the day of the All Japan Kendo Competition. And of course I went. I’d be fucking mad not too…..blimey. Who do you think I am?!

Many reports that you will read will give results, and I’m sure I will too, but I wanted to focus a little on other things too.

So let’s start where the competition did, in the first round. Now, although this is technically the cream of the Japanese crop, you will still often see a gap here between some of the higher level and more well known competitors, and the representatives of prefectures with nothing in them but toothy old fishermen and lots of rice fields. The first round can often at times be dull and tedious to watch, as you wait for the guys you want to see come out and demolish some poor guy, or get held up in some long drawn out match. This day was no exception, with the first match of the day on shiaijo 2 taking almost twenty minutes. I don’t even remember it. This is also the longest round of the day as well, as it contains more matches than the rest of the comp combined (simple maths, that is!). The only big highlight of the first round was watching Hatakanake of Wakayama (though in reality the captain of Tokyo Uni kendo powerhouse Kokushikan) all but secure himself his pick of police spots by beating Higashinaga of Saitama, who came THIRD in this years police thingy. Admittedly, the wee fella (a spritely 21!) was lucky, as Higashinaga came close again and again, and at least once I’m sure he got a definite ippon. Poor fella.

Once you get out of the first round and have had your pee break is when things get interesting. The people who have got here have now woken up and are ready. Uni boy was no exception and actually very convincingly dispatched his second round opponent (Takeuchi of Fukui, another first timer) with a superb tsuki men and then another nice nidan waza. Lovely! The crowd were all well behind him by this point, because everyone loves an underdog (just look at Rocky). This round also contained two Tokyo based upsets with previous winner Harada going out, and potential favourite Koseki also going out. Koseki looked VERY sharp in the first round, and I was honestly shocked to see him lose, to some dude from Mie. Wherever that is.

This round also produced an enthralling match involving Yoneya from Saitama. Yoneya has great looking kendo (though a dodgy attitude at times) and is most famous for breaking his Achilles the day before the World Champs in Taiwan, which he was due to fight in. Not many people actually know that he once placed second in the Police Taikai (in 2004) to Sato Hiromitsu (3rd in this taikai last year). There you go.

This match was great. He and his opponent (Matsumura from Hyogo) both came very close on several occasions, and neither gave any ground either. The pressure in this match was continuous and intense, to the point that even when someone I wanted to see was on another shiaijo I ignored it in favour of this one. This is something I love about kendo: if the fight is really interesting, and both guys are truly going at it, then it doesn’t matter what else is going on around it or me, I get totally in to it. I just couldn’t take my eyes of it. And to top it off, Yoneya finished it after a bloody long encho with a katatezuki worthy of this kind of match! Awesomeness. Plus instead of doing the generally recognised step back after the tsuki he actually went forwards, through and past his opponent, which just made it sexier. Man, I love that guys kendo!

And on to the third round. Finally you start getting things that are interesting happening in almost every match. This round saw the exit of last years runner up, Takanabe, to Sato of Tokyo, with a Tsuki that bent him over backwards. More please! Other interesting departures were Matsumoto from Osaka, losing to a first timer from Hiroshima, Ariba, who he really should have pounded in to the floor. The runner up from two years ago, Furusawa from Tokyo, was also pounded on by the mighty Wako of Hokkaido. Wako was looking very good indeed today. Totally calm and composed, dominating the people he fought and never looking under too much pressure. And I absolutely love this guys kendo. It’s just beautiful. Seriously some of the nicest looking Big Fella kendo you’ll see. He’s my new hero! On the other side of the draw the only other big casualty, if you could really call him that was Shimizu from Aichi, losing to Teramoto. Shimizu is usually “one to watch” and does OK most of the time. His kendo is nice enough to watch but I always get the impression that ultimately he struggles to compete with the big boys.

In this rounds, Yoneya scored a stupendously good hikimen (laid down with force!) and the wiper snapper also won through with a sweet kote-men (his second of the day!) in encho to get the furthest a Uni student has in something silly like 20 years or so. He still had much support from the crowd, including the noisy Kokushin kids in the “sky seats” up top.

Another piss break (I drank too much coffee and water today!) and a quick view of the line up produced a minor surprise. 8 peeps (obviously) but also 8 different prefectures. Not even the might of Tokyo, Kanagawa or Osaka had managed to get more than one each in to the last eight! Of the dudes that made it there 3 were first timers and one was on his second. But there was also 4 pretty experienced guys to bash the new fellas down.

1st Match – Wako (Hokkaido) – Hatakenaka (Wakayama) – wee kid! He’s 21!

2nd Match – Ariba – who? (Hiroshima) – Sato (Tokyo)

3rd Match – Tanioka – again, who? (Mie) – Yoneya (Saitama)

4th Match – Teramoto (Osaka) – Shodai (Kanagawa)

Hatakenaka gave it a good try, but Wako, captain of the Hokkaido police that he is, was just a little too much for the wee fella, who last men right literally on the buzzer for time. He got the second biggest round of applause on his way out though (the biggest for the winner, obviously!) and he did come fucking close to Wako’s men at one point. But like I said, I love Wako’s kendo, so I gladly watched a little more!

In the next match, Ariba got a men from Sato right of the bat, with literally his first shake of the shinai (is more than 3 shakes of the shinai also a wank?) and then continued to hassle and harangue the Tokyo riot copper for time. Sato came very close on many occaisions, and I could have sworn was denied a decent shout at least once, but couldn’t scrape it through, giving Ariba the semi final spot and Hiroshima it’s first All Japan medal in literally 20 years.

Tanioka and Yoneya turned out to be an anti climax. Yoneya took an early point then spent the rest of the match basically closing Tanioka down, but not in an effective seme or attacking way, but a blocking, running away and lots of ineffective tsubazeriai way. After the awesomeness of his second round match, and the authority of the third round match this was disappointing. He sealed with men later on, but I couldn’t give a fuck by that time, I wanted him to just do something.

Interestingly though, the men he did score was oikomi men, after a failed kaeshi dou from Tanioka. You don’t normally see this ippon at this level because either the dou goes in or the dude doing it has the zanshin level ramped up and doesn’t allow anything to follow. What made it even more unusual is that I saw not one but THREE oikomi men, and all after failed kaeshi dou. It was more than anything else surprising to see that sort of ippon than anything else. But I still prefer a good wind pipe crushing tsuki.

The last quarter final, and the most exciting was Teramoto, last years champ, against Shodai, jodan wielding young fella (at 27 he’s younger than me!). Not only was it a proper edge of your seat nail biter but we were treated to 3 fucking great ippon, and all inside of time as well.

Teramoto started very well, keeping the youngster under constant pressure, never allowing him to settle and therefore not giving to chance for Shodai to unleash his speed or reach in anything like the same way that he had done up until now. And it paid off. About 3 minutes or so in (time for the quarters onwards is 10 minutes now!) he managed to pressure Shodai enough to break his kamae and took a storming men ippon. It was great. This was why I came. But it wasn’t over. Shodai, knowing he still had time on his side and refusing to even think about going quietly then came back with the pressure and the threat and within another minute or two took back a fantastic morote men, probably the best ippon I think I saw him score all day. Still weill inside time, and now both guys knew it was back on and still up for grabs and seemed to bring out even more, just in time for Shodai to score an immense morote debana kote (!) as Teremoto came in! Whilst not as good as the previous men for me, it was still technical brilliance with a shinai.

Right up until that point, I was expecting Teramoto to own it, maybe even go the whole hog again. He started off in ace form, and his second and third round matches were so amazingly convincing (both nihon gachi) that I honestly couldn’t see him losing. But what the fuck do I know?! Shodai I am not!

This set up Wako and Ariba, and Yoneya and Shodai. In contrast to the quarters, both matches were finished well inside time. Wako professionally dispatched Ariba, scoring the third oikomi men of the day I saw and still looking the epitome of calm and collected, and Shodai took care of Yoneya. He took kote very early on with another first shake of the shinai ippon to set up a way more offensive Yoneya than the previous match, and at more than one point I’m convinced that Yoneya scored (there was a tremendous Tsuki that was too good not to score. I think the refs were looking at girls in the crowd or something when it went in) but alas it was not to be, as Shodai took another actually very convincing ippon to line himself up against cucumber-cool Wako.

The final was looooooong. 10 minutes of normal time, and a good 10 minutes of encho as well. I thought Wako was going to take it. He looked by far and away the calmer of the two, and so comprehensively shut up shop that I thought it was inevitable, but for some reason, there was the tiniest of sparks missing from him that had been present in the other matches. He managed to get at times very very close in terms of maai to Shodai on a number of occaisions, but did nothing with it. He also made some great opportunities for Tsuki and threw in loads of them, all katate, some of which really appeared to catch Shodai completely, but they were lacking the same spark that was missing from everything else. It seemed that at times he almost didn’t want to win. Even though, he maintained the pressure, used his distance amazingly well (with one very obvious exception Shodai was not really close enough to score with his men uchi) and did create some great chances, he just didn’t use them. It kind of looked at times like he had one specific ippon he was after, and was damned if he was going to actually risk scoring anything else. I really do wonder if had had actually calmed down too much. Watching them walk to the line before hand, Shodai trotted up to it and did some last minute quick stretches, flapped some arms around a bit and fired himself up, where as Wako strolled slowly to the line and did nothing.

The eventual winning ippon was debana men to Wako’s tobikomi kote, crowning Shodai as the first All Japan champion to win in Jodan in more than 20 years. The crowd predictably went wild, Shodai is a crowd favorite because not only is he strong with his Jodan and exciting to watch, but he’s quite unorthodox at times, so you’re often left wondering what he’s going to do, or indeed what the hell just happened.

But I still preferred Wako’s kendo! Poor fella!

Bending of Space and Time

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

On saturday, after about 2 months of honestly not so hard work, the big ol’ foreigners in Japan kendo smash up happened. 35 people into a dojo the size of a can of baked beans. Somehow though it all worked! I had an absolutely excellent keiko, there were people who had come there especially from Kansai, 8 or 9 different nationalities, and importanltly, we drank a stupid amount of booze.

You don’t care about the keiko so I’ll just give you a summary of the disaster at the restaurant. Ozawa sensei and Ninomiya sensei stuck it out for an hour. Then very wisely they left. Both of them having experience living abroad, I’ll bet they know how messy things can get…

As a starter, I recieved a wonderful new Zekken:

It says Shinjuku Ni Cho Me, Shinjuku Ni cho me being the most well known asshole surfing area of Tokyo, and predictably, the name underneath it says Gaybo. Cheers then.

Here is a lovely mid-booze pic:

This was about an hour in, and still fairly sedate…..my favourite bit of this pic is the tubby lard boy rolls on the fella with the glasses on the left. Hello roley-poley!

This is Nick with his new favourite cardy, which belonged to George. I think George may have been way too drunk to realise he was having the total piss ripped out of him. The red rimmed glasses also belong to George…

And this…..:

Is the label for the hardcore porn that the dutch guys brought with them, which was, frankly, quite disgraceful. With tastfeul images of much cock being bundled into much ass, girls drinking piss and 3 spam javelins fitted in to one mouth, it was most definately unmistakeably dutch. There was absolutely no way that was going anywhere with me, so I picked a bougu bag at random and stuffed it in. I still don’t know who got it. Surprise surprise!!!

Besides this:

* George left without paying

*Liev actually bit Tyler. And in Liev’s own words “Who the hell bites people?!”

*Liev accosted an old woman in the street

*Liev (are you seeing a pattern here?!) woke up in a hotel that he didn’t know the location of, naked from the waist down

*Liev also woke up plus one switchblade knife that he didn’t start saturday owning. In Liev’s own words (again) Half Naked + Switchblade = Suspicious

*Juri, the big tall dutch fella, vommed in a urinal in the restaurant, and then fell asleep with his head resting on the rim. And we all know that Japanese men are hugely accurate with their pissing, don’t we….

*Makoto, Jouke and Juri all laid down lengthways on the floor of the underground train they rode home

Here is Liev’s new knife:

What a great night! All aboard for next year!